THeRe'S An AnGeL On My ShOuLdEr...

Monday, July 26, 2004

A minute seems like a lifetime, Baby when I feel this way 

There is no doubt that my good days are outnumbering my bad days, however I still have them.  Like today.   It's probably due to the fact that I feel like crap as a result of this cold.  Sometimes, despite all my efforts, I cannot eliminate the negative thoughts and recollections from my mind.  Memories that are actually worse now than the at the time of the event , as I now have the benefit of truth to put a whole new perspective on things, and the truth is often very painful.

I feel I need to allow myself to reflect, to feel the pain, to rationalise things, to try and understand why.  If I don't, it's all likely to fester within me and result in a delayed self-destruction.  Many would call it wallowing.  Perhaps it is, but I don't agree.  Such is my nature that I need to understand, regardless of how bad I will feel as a result of that process.   Yet I'm trying to do this without allowing it to impact upon others and have found this to be extremely difficult.  How can I not? I will beat this though.  

Grabbed a couple of books over the weekend that I hadn't looked at in a while.  One was the book from the art exhibition 'Love & Death in the Age of Queen Victoria' that was at the Adelaide Art Gallery a couple of years ago.  The current exhibition of Edwardian art is a sequel.  I have a few favourites from the exhibition, but one that captured me in particular was Love and the Maiden by John Roddam Spencer-Stanhope.   I had never particularly liked this piece until I saw it 'in the flesh' so-to-speak.  Apart from it's sheer size, its luminosity, colour and texture were so vibrant, I was blown away.  The detail was something to behold.

Time to toddle off & do some work...





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