Recent weeks have been filled with assorted drama. Although I doubt I'd ever top myself, I can certainly understand how those like the late Paul Hester come to feel that there is no better solution than suicide. It's the extreme of that 'flight' impulse isn't it?

A couple of weeks ago I found it neccessary to take out a restraining order against my Ex-husband. It was a difficult but neccessary decision to make. The hard part now is having it served on him. For once it appears his bullshit isn't crap after all and he may very well be in Bali as he recently claimed, working at a hotel. I'm quite sure it won't take long though before he's back again as he hasn't been able to keep a job for as long as I've known him. Patience. The RO will be there waiting for him when he returns.

It seems that Easter is now earning a reputation of being marked by significant events. Last year it was marked by fairly significant positive & ultimately life-changing events and we will be celebrating our aniversary on the 6th of April. This year however it was marked by the theft & incineration of my beloved red 'ferrari'. It was taken on Thursday night & I was informed at 5.30am on Good Friday (couldn't they have waited?) that it was found incinerated at Virginia. So, now we are on the hunt for a new car. We are looking at something entirely different. Not so difficult to get in & out of & with 4, rather than 2 doors, and lots of storage capacity. Any recommendations folks?

Hopefully things will start to settle down soon.....

I took Danny to see my old house the other day. Well, I didn't specifically go to show him, but i wanted someone with me when I went in case I came over all emotional. I haven't been back since January 2002 and never felt I had the chance to really say goodbye to it.

It is now on it's third lot of owners. The second lot destroyed much of what i loved, like adding roller shutters & destroying the garden (saw pictures in the local paper when they put it up for sale - at a 50% profit!!!!!!!! Grrrrrrr), but the third lot don't appear to have done much more damage.

The trim & woodwork has been repainted. The cream is more cream than the colour I chose & they repainted in heritage red rather than the original Indian Red. It looked a little 'bright' for my taste. They had also removed the subtle faux etching I had put on the lower portion of the front windows. I couldn't tell if the burgundy taffetta austrian blinds were still hanging. Sounds like a french bordello doesn't it? I can assure you it was quite tasteful. Wish i had more pictures, but my dickhead of an ex pinched all the photos I had when he stayed with me for a week the first time he was evicted after I left him.

The majority of the 40 David Austin Roses had been ripped out of the front garden, which was entirely cottage garden when it was mine, together with a path with a diamond with a sundial in the centre. Now half of it is lawn but it is totally out of balance.

The Evergreen Alder has been ripped out which is a shame as it was a beautifully shaped tree. The silver birch is still there but the Guelder Rose is not. That made me sad. i planted that in memory of my Nanna. She had one at her house and it is one of my fondest memories of her old Prospect house. That and the perfectly circular rear lawn that Gramps used to spend so much time trimming by hand.

The street tree had also been removed. That i can fully understand as it was an unusual oak variety that kept the dead leaves on the branches until the new growth pushed them off. Every Autumn/Winter we would get offers from all the local gardening services to have our 'dead' tree removed. LOL It was truley hideous. The only reason I didn't have it removed was because it would have destroyed the symetry.

I pointed out to Danny the finial on the letterbox that my Father had hand carved to match the finials on the roof. Cute. And very typically 'me'

I still haven't found my 'style' for this place yet. I'm working on it. I'm not one to rush into things and also not one for following trends too closely or buying pieces of furniture that will date quickly. Patience.

Saw Aviator last night. thought it was a good film, well worth seeing. One scene in particular had me in hysterics, but it was more of a private joke. The scene where Howard Hughes visits Katherine Hepburn's family for lunch. Danny & I looked at each other & I burst out laughing just as he said - "that's what it's like with your lot!" and it is!!! 5 conversations going in all directions and all at once! I had tears rolling down my face at that.

Do you ever feel like you're fighting a losing battle?

It's how I feel at the moment. On so many levels.

Was life really meant to be this hard?