THeRe'S An AnGeL On My ShOuLdEr...

Saturday, December 30, 2006

Misadventures of an Idiot 

I'm a tad incapacitated at the moment. Have a look here to find out why.

I'm currently trying to figure out how to have a romantic interlude in a spa with a plastic bag over my hand!

Friday, December 29, 2006

Arty Farty Christmas 

Once again I was spoilt this year. My true love gave to me, two books. The first is a magnificently huge collection of the entire works of Vincent Van Gogh. I must admit I had really only been exposed to the common works, such as The Chair, The Sunflowers, Starry Night, Irises and his self portraits, of which there are several. The depth of his work is incredible & it's absolutely stunning!

The other book I received was on Artist/Illustrator Aubrey Beardsley. Certainly an artist who is not to everyones taste. Born on the same date as me - August 21st. Significantly influenced by the Pre-Raphaelite and Arts and Crafts movements and showing distinct Art Nouveau style, his work is dramatic and elegant. However, his erotica is quite confronting with works featuring oversized penises and other phallic representations. I'm not sure I'd hang any of those on my wall. I love the line work and the high contrast.

Thursday, December 28, 2006


I had a wonderful day yesterday. What did I do? Nothing. Zip. Nada. Zilch. And that was why it was so great. I got to rattle around in our house, doing whatever I pleased, on my own, for hours on end. I haven't had the house to myself since September. Now, many of you are probably thinking I'm a selfish, unsociable cow. Quite the contrary. However, I've grown up in an environment where since the age of 8, I've at least had 1 hour a day at home alone. I've grown to need it. It does take a bit of getting used to not having it all that often - and circumstances don't really allow for it now without banishing everyone from the house, which I won't do. But I think I'm going to have to orchestrate it a bit more often that once every 4 months because, quite frankly, I think it was sending me stir crazy not having it. I'm much happier today :-) just for having those few hours where the only person to talk to was Merlin - and he didn't say a word for a change.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

One Month To Go 

I've only got another month until I end the torture and go gack to my old job.

I'm currently acting in a higher position (though my regular job is much busier, harder and has far more responsibility - go figure) and I'm hating it. I'm having trouble sleeping for thinking about it and every morning I don't want to go to work.

Why is it so bad? Well this is a long story, and I think I've written about it before, so I'll try and give you the readers digest version.

After promising to create higher positions back in 1999, they finally did. This position is one of two that my colleague & best mate suggested they needed all those years ago. But alot has happened since then. Like me getting ill in 2005. Since then, the boss of the area in which this position is located has treated me like a leper - damaged goods. Hence, when I applied for the job - I didn't get it. But then, nobody did. Then they readvertised, and once again, didn't select anyone.

Then this turkey decided he wanted someone from the second round of interviews to act in it for three months. Her area wouldn't release her. They then called for expressions of interest to act in it for three months - and targeted her. She's a lovely girl, don't get me wrong, but has been in the place 2 minutes by comparisson and doesn't have anywhere near the experience to do it - which is why she wasn't selected for the position. But the boss was hell bent on me NOT getting it. Anyway, just for a laugh, after I found out about it on the grapevine, I put in a registration of interest. By this time, the boss turkey was on leave. They selected the other girl & myself to act in the position for three months each - me to go second. The remainder of the interview panel, I have since found out, always thought I should have got the job. Anyway, the other girl told them to shove it - if they wanted her, they should have given her the job. & I quite agree.

So anyway, there i am, working for a boss that doesn't want me there, who makes it very obvious and who is overloading me with work so that I have a better chance of failing and who tells me everything I'm doing is wrong. This is the same guy that gave me glowing references a few years ago. The problem is all in his head. His ignorant little pea brain. I would not apply for it again if you paid me to, some things just aren't worth the money & he can go fuck himself. I have no respect for the man any more, after hearing him regularly humiliate & criticise another in my field who has recently gone through a 'difficult time'. I can only imagine what he's said about me.... the ironic thing is that he thinks I'm somehow defective now that I am on anti-depressant medication. I look at as being no different to having diabetes or having high blood pressure. In my case, it's a genetic thing. & the ironic thing is that I was taking the same medication when I joined the organisation. So I'm the same person, with the same condition i had back in 1999 - except that he wasn't aware of it.

His ignorance, attitude and discrimination have cost me any kind of future in the organisation. Yep, thanks for that, you prick. Perhaps Karma will prevail. The position is being filled by a re-deployee who knows nothing about the job, the organisation, the systems, or anything else. She's going to find it tough - even if she is half decent - and he will tell us she is, just to save face. Personally, I hope that it all falls in a heap. I know that's really petty, but the bastard really does deserve it. He certainly doesn't deserve to have me.

Friday, December 22, 2006


Ahhhhh...Viz. The Magazine that is. My other half reads it and I look forward to each and every issue. Why? because I just LOVE hearing him laugh! It's bloody hilarious stuff, but I get more of a kick listening to him laugh, sometimes a chuckle, or a snigger, right though to a huge raucous belly laugh, than I do reading the magazine itself. Hearing him laugh is music to my ears, it's just magic and I fall in love with him even more with each issue :-)

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Miscellaneous Drivel 

I've got the cluster map thing going now, and contrary to popular opinion (mine) people ARE actually looking at this blog. Well, bugger me! I suppose then I should keep up my end of the bargain and write in it, and regularly.

I've been going through a 'phase' in the last week. A FAT phase. I know I have put on quite a bit of weight in the last 18 months, much of it being as a result of a side effect to medication I take. A voracious appetite and a body that has no idea when it's full & if it thinks it's full, somehow sends the message that 'I'm hungry' instead!. Everything was getting just a tad too tight & I've given away more clothes than I now wear. When did it finally hit me that I had to do something about this? When I decided to go for a walk & caught my reflection in a shop window. I didn't recognise myself. I was horrified. I couldn't understand how it had happened without really noticing. Talk about looking at things with rose coloured glasses. I think it was more like a blindfold!.

Anyway, I'm now walking (& avoiding shop windows), doing other exercises (like mini step classes on our staircase) and grabbed some fluid tablets off my Mum. After 2 days of taking them, I feel much less bloated & can get my wedding ring back on. Fluid retention is my enemy. I have suffered from it for years. Bad Kidneys - my own fault. I have never drunk enough water - or gone to the loo regularly enough - something my Mum used to nag me about constantly. Now, too late, I know why. The other problem with the shot kidneys is that they allow too much protein to filter through - so I virtually have to OD on protein to maintain a good weight. I plan to be at least a size smaller in 4 weeks time. I think that's a reasonable timetable, don't you?

And this also leads to another dilemma. My personal style. I need a re-vamp. I think? Maybe? I'm terrified of having to dress like my Mum, or even my Sister (who is 9 years older than me), but I don't want to dress too 'young' and look like a complete goose. I'm still drawn to Black - moreso than ever before really. I can't quite bring myself to wear white - even though I used to wear quite a lot of it. Frightened the hell out of my other half once by turning up in a white linen outfit with my hair straightened. I thought he was going to disown me completely! Ok, so black it is then. I still want to maintain that 'Sense of Gothness', subtle & not cliche. I'm not into lace, crushed velvet or medieval dress masquerading as a 'gothic' look. Nor do I like Industrial Goth, though I wouldn't mind a bondage skirt - but fairly plain - no studs or chains. Punk goth is totally out of the question for obvous reasons. So, I need to re-define my 'look'. Any suggestions will be greatfully received. I'd even consider making my own, now that I've proven to myself that I can do it. (if you can make a top with boning in it, you can make anything!)

OK, onto a totally different topic. Songs. Particularly songs that choose you. That make your scalp tingle or the hairs stand up on the back of your neck. The ones that make you feel like you're having a mini orgasm every time you hear them - regardless of where you are & what you are doing. I have a few of these, and some aren't particularly that good - but like I said, they choose you - not the other way around. My current favourite in this selection is one that never fails to move me - wherever, whenever (no, I'm not talking about Shakira!), is Miss Sarajevo by U2. It sends me to another plane whenever I hear it. Bono sang it at the concert, and did a magnificent job of the opera portion, so much so, that it brought tears to my eyes. It was beautiful.

So, which song does it for you?




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