I've got the cluster map thing going now, and contrary to popular opinion (mine) people ARE actually looking at this blog. Well, bugger me! I suppose then I should keep up my end of the bargain and write in it, and regularly.

I've been going through a 'phase' in the last week. A FAT phase. I know I have put on quite a bit of weight in the last 18 months, much of it being as a result of a side effect to medication I take. A voracious appetite and a body that has no idea when it's full & if it thinks it's full, somehow sends the message that 'I'm hungry' instead!. Everything was getting just a tad too tight & I've given away more clothes than I now wear. When did it finally hit me that I had to do something about this? When I decided to go for a walk & caught my reflection in a shop window. I didn't recognise myself. I was horrified. I couldn't understand how it had happened without really noticing. Talk about looking at things with rose coloured glasses. I think it was more like a blindfold!.

Anyway, I'm now walking (& avoiding shop windows), doing other exercises (like mini step classes on our staircase) and grabbed some fluid tablets off my Mum. After 2 days of taking them, I feel much less bloated & can get my wedding ring back on. Fluid retention is my enemy. I have suffered from it for years. Bad Kidneys - my own fault. I have never drunk enough water - or gone to the loo regularly enough - something my Mum used to nag me about constantly. Now, too late, I know why. The other problem with the shot kidneys is that they allow too much protein to filter through - so I virtually have to OD on protein to maintain a good weight. I plan to be at least a size smaller in 4 weeks time. I think that's a reasonable timetable, don't you?

And this also leads to another dilemma. My personal style. I need a re-vamp. I think? Maybe? I'm terrified of having to dress like my Mum, or even my Sister (who is 9 years older than me), but I don't want to dress too 'young' and look like a complete goose. I'm still drawn to Black - moreso than ever before really. I can't quite bring myself to wear white - even though I used to wear quite a lot of it. Frightened the hell out of my other half once by turning up in a white linen outfit with my hair straightened. I thought he was going to disown me completely! Ok, so black it is then. I still want to maintain that 'Sense of Gothness', subtle & not cliche. I'm not into lace, crushed velvet or medieval dress masquerading as a 'gothic' look. Nor do I like Industrial Goth, though I wouldn't mind a bondage skirt - but fairly plain - no studs or chains. Punk goth is totally out of the question for obvous reasons. So, I need to re-define my 'look'. Any suggestions will be greatfully received. I'd even consider making my own, now that I've proven to myself that I can do it. (if you can make a top with boning in it, you can make anything!)

OK, onto a totally different topic. Songs. Particularly songs that choose you. That make your scalp tingle or the hairs stand up on the back of your neck. The ones that make you feel like you're having a mini orgasm every time you hear them - regardless of where you are & what you are doing. I have a few of these, and some aren't particularly that good - but like I said, they choose you - not the other way around. My current favourite in this selection is one that never fails to move me - wherever, whenever (no, I'm not talking about Shakira!), is Miss Sarajevo by U2. It sends me to another plane whenever I hear it. Bono sang it at the concert, and did a magnificent job of the opera portion, so much so, that it brought tears to my eyes. It was beautiful.

So, which song does it for you?