It's no secret that I'm not overly happy with the way I look at the moment. I'm carrying too much weight, a side effect of medication, and it's making me feel, fat, ugly and old. I'm starting to eat better & less & doing more exercise. Fingers crossed.

What I've found really surprising though is that when I look in the mirror, I obviously don't wee what other people see. Or do I? Do other people see me as I see myself, or do they see the person staring back at me from recent photographs? I don't really know. Maybe it's as Warhol said, that blemishes should be removed from pictures, because that more how you're really seen anyway. People don't notice the faults. It would be nice to think that they don't, but I'm not convinced.

I know I can improve my body. I have the power and ability to do that. I can't make it perfect though & I have to be realistic, but that's OK.

I can't really improve my face though. And to that end, I'm considering saving up for cosmetic surgery. That may sound really shallow or totally vain, but I don't really care. My appearance is important to me. I've been looking at old photos of myself and for some reason my face has changed shape. It could be because of dental work in the past, weight gain, or many other factors, but one thing I know, weight loss is not actually going to change much.

I'm lucky in that those years of staying out of the sun, relying on a fake tan, not smoking, not binge drinking and not taking drugs have paid off and as a consequence I have less wrinkles than many girls 5 or so years younger than me. That's a blessing. But as for the rest of my face, I'm not overly happy, though my skin is quite good. That is something I suppose.

So it's time to do some research and save some money to transform myself into something that more closely resembles what I see in the mirror as opposed to what I see in the photographs.

Labels: Face, Fat, Surgery